


Watch and Wait for it to End

by pouty_hoseok



Series: Royals [10]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alpha Choi Soobin, Alpha Jeon Jungkook, Alpha Kang Taehyun, Alpha Kim Namjoon | RM, Alpha Park Jimin (BTS), Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Assassin Jeon Jungkook, Assassin Kim Namjoon | RM, Assassin Min Yoongi | Suga, Assassin Park Jimin (BTS), Beta Huening Kai, Break Up, Broken Promises, Dragons, Early Death, Falling In Love, Fortune Telling, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Kim Namjoon | RM-centric, Letters, Loss, Love, M/M, Magic, Mpreg, Not Beta Read, Omega Choi Beomgyu, Omega Choi Yeonjun, Omega Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Omega Kim Seokjin | Jin, Omega Kim Taehyung | V, Omega Min Yoongi | Suga, Post-Break Up, Prince Choi Soobin, Prince Choi Yeonjun, Prince Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Prince Kang Taehyun, Prince Kim Seokjin | Jin, Prince Kim Taehyung | V, Prince Min Yoongi | Suga, Rebellion, Regret, Royalty, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Kim Namjoon | RM, Sad Kim Seokjin | Jin, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, War, kind of idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26290966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouty_hoseok/pseuds/pouty_hoseok
Summary: Namjoon’s early death is inevitable. That doesn’t mean that he’ll watch and wait for it to end, though.(Maybe because he can’t.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Series: Royals [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732594
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	Watch and Wait for it to End

**Author's Note:**

> hiii  
> ik it's short but thats mostly bc u guys know a lot of it already so idk  
> my next work is gonna be yungi just a heads-up and also I'm gonna wait a bit before starting the sister series bye luv u and thank you so much for reading this series!

Namjoon isn’t a particularly important kid. He’s tall and lanky, nearly blind too. He’s quiet and quite shy, preferring to remain inside of a library rather than going out with the other children in his village. 

It changes, however, on his tenth birthday. As per tradition, Namjoon’s mother, Kim A-Yeong, takes him to a fortune teller. Just as the other, poorer families in their village do, they go to one with a small price. 

Namjoon decides he hates it the moment he sets foot inside of the place. A thick mist surrounds everything and fogs up his glasses, much to Namjoon’s annoyance. He pulls them off, a scowl taking over his face as he cleans them. The fortune teller, wherever they are, laugh at him. 

“Come in, little Namjoon,” they say. Namjoon bites back a sigh as he shuffles forward and sits down. Even now, he can hardly see the fortune teller, though their short hair makes him guess they’re a man. 

Carefully, he places his hands on the crystal ball (Ugh. What bullshit) in front of him as some sort of crazy mumbling fills the room. Namjoon, once again, bites his tongue to keep from kicking the table over and storming out because this is so  _ dumb _ . He doesn’t want to be here, no, not one bit. 

“ _ Well, well, well, _ ” a voice says. Namjoon’s head snaps up from where he was picking at the tablecloth, his eyes wide and fearful. “ _ Hello there, little dragon _ .” 

Namjoon gulps and tries to force his body to move away from the fortune teller. 

_ Please don’t kill me, _ he thinks as he bites his lip. There’s a hissing sort of laughter from the fortune teller and Namjoon shuts his eyes in fear. 

“ _ Little dragon, _ ” the voice chides,  _ “do not be afraid. I am only here to speak your future.” _

Namjoon doesn’t open his eyes. 

The voice laughs and Namjoon shivers as a noxious odor fills his nose. It smells like burning flesh. 

_ “My, my my, _ ” the fortune teller murmurs,  _ “aren’t you destined for greatness? Why, you’re so full of potential that even I am unsurprised by your fate.” _

“What?” Namjoon says, his curiosity besting his fear as he pries his eyes open and stares into the mist. “What do you mean, ‘my fate’?” 

_ “Poor thing,” _ the fortune teller murmurs and Namjoon feels his heart pound in his chest.  _ “Oh, Namjoon.” _

When his name is spoken, a shiver runs down Namjoon’s spine and the boy tries to move away. However, giant claws grab the arms of his seat and tug him closer. He rocks and opens his mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. 

_ “You will have the world at your feet,” _ the voice whispers as Namjoon releases a fearful whimper, already trying to squirm away.  _ “You will be twenty-seven and all of it will be yanked from your hands. However,” _ he pauses to laugh menacingly,  _ “you will have already suffered your greatest loss. Your death will be nothing in comparison.” _

“My - my death?” Namjoon stammers. “What?” 

_ “Poor little dragon,” _ the fortune teller coos. He leans forward and suddenly something appears in front of him. Namjoon squeaks in surprise and he almost falls out of the chair as a sword is shoved toward him. 

The fortune teller cackles at the action and shakes his head. 

_ “You have very few options, I’m sorry to say,” _ he murmurs. Namjoon gulps and stares fearfully as the fortune teller leans close.  _ “So, what is it, little dragon? Shall you follow the path of peace and prosperity by moving to the mainland to become successful? Or will you run to death and save countless lives?” _

“What? What do you mean? Am I going to die?” 

_ “In a few years, yes. Gods, your future is so very clear. I’ve never seen anything like it.” _

Namjoon swallows hard. 

“So I might as well, right? What do I have to do?” he says. 

The fortune teller raises an eyebrow as he sits back and rests his chin on his hand. Now that he’s more focused, Namjoon notices that his eyes are glowing green. 

_ “Interesting, _ ” he says. He grins.  _ “Well, then, I’d recommend that you’d become a lawyer. The rest will come naturally. Goodbye!” _

And that’s how Namjoon, after graduating from school early, becomes a lawyer’s apprentice. It’s not something that he’d say is very difficult, though he also has to take care of his sister, Lea, Hueningkai, and Bahiyih. His mother’s jobs are too laborious for her to focus on her children all of the time, so the responsibility falls onto Namjoon’s and Geong-Min’s shoulders. But really, he can’t say he minds it much at all. 

He begins building his reputation as a lawyer at sixteen. Namjoon is extremely smart for his age and it isn’t long before clients begin seeking him out. However, the emperor still taxes them terribly and Namjoon finds it nearly impossible to get out of the slums. 

Enter Soobin and Seokjin.

Seokjin gets to him first. Namjoon is seventeen, almost eighteen, when they do. He’s by the docks, having taken an extra job to help pay for Lea’s, Hueningkai’s, and Bahiyih’s tuitions. He’s also trying to send Geong-Min to nursing school, though the tuition is extremely high. Namjoon is lucky he became an apprentice. 

Anyway, he’s by the docks, lifting and moving shipments around when he first catches sight of none other than Kim Seokjin. He’s ethereal. Namjoon swears up and down that he’s glowing, and plenty of people agree with him. Seokjin walks with a sort of delicateness that makes it impossible to look away. He’s gorgeous, easily the most beautiful person Namjoon’s ever had the honor of laying his own two eyes upon. 

Namjoon, however, is also extremely lucky when the prince looks over at him. His eyes widen and his lips part as Namjoon feels his grip on the crate waver. He almost drops it on his toes. By the time he looks back up, though, Seokjin is gone. 

Thankfully, he manages to find the other boy again. Seokjin appears to have wandered away from his father and the rest of the imperial troops, offering Namjoon a chance to meet him. 

“What are you doing slumming it up out here, prince?” Namjoon says before cursing himself. Seokjin turns around and narrows his eyes. 

“Who are you?” he says. 

Namjoon puts his hands up. 

“No one important,” he says. Seokjin scowls and grabs his skirts, attempting to get away from him. Namjoon, however, reaches out to grab his wrist. 

“Wait!” he says. He feels flustered and embarrassed as Seokjin turns around to arch an eyebrow at him. 

“What?” Seokjin says. He tugs his wrist free and crosses his arms over his chest, looking quite annoyed. “I didn’t come here to get made fun of, so you’d better make it quick.”

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says, scratching the back of his neck. Seokjin’s eyes widen in surprise, but Namjoon isn’t finished. “I just - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Um, uh, what are you doing here? Are you lost?” 

Seokjin stares at him, very blatantly surprised. Namjoon feels his face flush and he bites his lip as he looks away. 

“I - uh - no, I’m fine, thank you,” Seokjin finally stammers. When Namjoon looks up, he finds that the other boy’s face has also turned bright red. He nods in understanding and goes to leave, but, this time, Seokjin grabs his wrist and tugs him back. 

“Wait, stay with me,” he says. He crosses his arms but it does nothing to hide the redness of his cheeks. “I need a guide, don’t it?” 

And it’s at that moment Namjoon  _ knows. _ He already knows how deeply he’ll fall for Seokjin and he hates it more than anything in the entire world. 

The next time Namjoon encounters any royalty, he’s nineteen. Namjoon, that is. Soobin is thirteen years old, six years younger than Namjoon. The boy adjusts his ponytail and looks around curiously, tapping his toe. He spots Jeongguk and Jimin sitting on one of the houses and fights the smile that plays at his lips. He just hopes that they get back in time to welcome the prince. 

Really, the only reason he offered to take Soobin under his wing was because he’s in dire need of some cash. Namjoon’s mother, as she’s grown older has grown weaker, as people do in their old age or senior years. It’s expected, yes, and Namjoon should’ve prepared for it. But it’s rare that they ever have enough money to have much in their savings account and now Namjoon’s been working not only at the law firm but also around the scattering of islands that fall just east of the Ifanian coast. So really, in a sense, Soobin is just another way to get money. Not someone for Namjoon to practically take part (a rather large one too) in raising. 

Alas, life hardly ever goes the way we want it to. Namjoon, however, is growing increasingly frustrated with everything and anything about the bonds he’s been establishing with people. He doesn’t want to hurt these people when he dies (as he knows he has less than a decade left. It doesn’t seem like much but, in the long run, at least, it’s hardly anything.), so he supposes that the sensible decision is to avoid others at all costs. As can be seen with the bonds he’s been building with all of these people, he’s a bit bad at following through with such things. 

It does not help one bit when his mother grows sick. The Inurian winters are not, technically, very harsh. However, winds from the far north have come to attack them, and Namjoon’s mother’s small house in Ilsan does nothing to help. Geong-Min gets to her first and she even catches some of the sickness that sweeps through the area (meaning the entire far islands), but she’s fine. Geong-Min is young and healthy and strong. A-Yeong, on the other hand, is not. 

She dies before the snow can even melt. The grief has Namjoon locked in his room for days, mulling over what on earth happened. It doesn’t help that he had to leave Inura to go to Eanox, and he now finds himself wishing he could’ve spent more time with his mother. 

However, those thoughts also conflict with the ones about the effect his own death will have. He wonders, desperately, what on earth will happen. Already, he’s established countless relationships with people and he cares about them all so much that the thought of leaving any of them sends physical pains through his chest. His stomach churns as his clothes and blankets grow wet with tears that dry within hours only to be soaked with a fresh wave. It’s not pretty.

[ _ Alexander Hamilton _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhinPd5RRJw)

The rebellion is started upon what Namjoon would call a whim. But he’s also angry that the taxes he pays never seem to be enough, how few people (if any) have ever escaped the clutches of poverty. So he gathers Jimin and Jeongguk along with a few other younger people in his town and begins devising a plan. 

It really wasn’t meant to get as big as it did. Namjoon supposes it’s useless to say such a thing now though as he boards a boat to go to Dragon City to hopefully get hired as some sort of servant so he can get information. He sighs and shakes his head, shifting with his bags. He looks around the deck of the ship and pulls his cloak closer, ducking his head to keep from getting noticed or even recognized, especially by the guards that swarm the place. Namjoon actually had to take a boat down to the south to get on this one that’s headed to the mainland. 

He sighs heavily and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. The summer air really doesn’t call for the cloak he’s wearing, but Namjoon prefers it for a matter of safety. He’s really rather not have the guards arresting him even though there’s no way they could possibly know what he looks like. Or, well, what Ilsan’s Dragon looks like, though he’s never bothered with those things. 

Namjoon releases another sigh as he leans out to look at the water as it laps against the sides. He thinks back to the fortune teller all those years ago, back when he was young and free and had a mother. 

_ That seems to have gotten awfully dark awfully fast, _ he thinks, rolling his eyes at himself. He shakes his head and looks around again, checking to see if any of the guards seem to be eying him suspiciously or even looking at him at all. 

The trip isn’t very difficult or scary. No one notices him and Namjoon gets to the castle much faster than he’d originally hoped to. Getting a job is a bit harder, but Namjoon manages. And, soon enough, he’s landed a job as a palace gardener. 

He supposes it could be worse. Namjoon genuinely does like plants and he has plenty of practice caring for them. It calms his nerves too, so that’s a relief. 

However, finding Seokjin in a hidden corner of the gardens is not. 

“Your Imperial Highness?” he says softly to hopefully keep from drawing any unwanted attention. 

Seokjin, unsurprisingly, yelps and his needle flies from his hand before embedding itself into his finger.

“You!” he yells, pointing at Namjoon with his injured finger. A drop of scarlet blood bubbles up and falls to the ground. “You’re from-”

“Sshh!” Namjoon hisses. Gods, he’s definitely going to get in trouble if he keeps this up. Why did he think this was a good idea again? “You’re going to get me killed!”

Seokjin scoffed as he sucked on the injured digit, pretty plump lips pulled into an annoyed pout. 

“You made me hurt myself,” he grumbles around it. 

“Sorry,” Namjoon says as he scratches the back of his neck, a nervous habit he’s never been able to get rid of. He holds his hand out. “I’m Namjoon.” 

Seokjin scoffs but Namjoon can tell he’s surprised by how easily he’d given his name. 

“Are you sure it’s wise to tell me your name when I could have you killed?” he says. 

Namjoon can’t stop the grin that blooms on his face. 

“I guess we’ll find out,” he says. Seokjin’s face flushes and Namjoon decides that he’s easily the most beautiful flower in all of the imperial gardens. 

Befriending Seokjin is easy. He’s loud and kind and smart (gods, he’s so very smart. How does no one see how much of a genius he is?) and he cares about Namjoon in a way that is unfamiliar to him but not unwelcome. 

However, being friends with someone as marvelous and magnificent as Seokjin means showing him Namjoon will stay with him through thick and thin no matter what happens. For instance, when his father locks him in his room, Namjoon is the one who sneaks in to comfort him. Because that’s what friends do. 

The first time it happens is when Namjoon comes out to tend to the gardens but finds them unusually empty. 

He ends up climbing up one of the walls to get to Seokjin. The windows are blocked but Namjoon can’t bring himself to care as he raps on the glass, his movements frantic and, truth be told, quite fearful. 

They don’t open and Namjoon feels his heart pound as he reaches into his pocket to pull out a lockpick. The little piece of metal slides between the window and he jams it in, wiggling it about until he hears a click. He rolls into the room with a grunt of discomfort, but every coherent thought of his blanks when he hears Seokjin release a shaky sob. Carefully, Namjoon gets to his feet and tugs his boots off. 

“Hyung?” he says softly. Seokjin curls up and makes himself even smaller, sobbing again. Namjoon walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. 

“Hyung?” he tries again. 

“Why are you here?” Seokjin finally says, his voice thick with emotion. Namjoon shrugs and chews on his lower lip. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he mumbles. He doesn’t look at Seokjin. “I was worried about you.” 

There’s a sort of rustling from behind him and then Seokjin’s arms are looping around his waist while he rests his chin on his shoulder. Namjoon’s eyes dart to him but find the older to have closed his eyes. 

“Please don’t look at me,” Seokjin whispers. Namjoon looks forward at the window from which the sunlight streams into the room. 

“Are . . . are you okay?” he says. 

Seokjin hums non-committally and sighs. 

“No,” he murmurs, “not really, no.” 

Namjoon swallows hard and focuses on keeping his eyes trained on the open window. He should probably close it so that the guards don’t get suspicious. 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” he says. 

Namjoon waits for the answer, his heart pounding against his ribcage as he shuts his eyes. 

“Yes.” 

And so, Namjoon stays with Seokjin. Obviously, he isn’t there the entire time, but a large chunk of Seokjin’s forced isolation is spent with Namjoon. He’ll bring flowers for Seokjin to smell while opening the windows up so he can get some sun. When Namjoon stays the night, Yoongi’s nurse, a man named Seungjae, will sneak in during the early morning hours to warn them so Namjoon can stay under the radar. 

It works for a very long time. Namjoon knows better than the guards and Jeongguk rising up into the position of imperial general only makes it easier. Together, they study the layout of the castle and sneak their own people in. Soon, the palace is swarming with spies. 

A whole lot of it is due to Seokjin. The moment he met Namjoon in the gardens, he knew something was up. When they were close enough, he expressed a need for a reform in the government. Namjoon had waited for a few more hints of some actual opposition to the empire before telling him a little bit about the rebellion. 

Seokjin had been extremely quick to put the rest of the pieces in place. Namjoon hadn’t stood a chance. But really, that’s how everything with Seokjin has been, right? 

However, as the rebellion grows, it becomes apparent that it’s far too dangerous for Namjoon to remain in the palace. He sends letters constantly to Ilsan, something that is extremely risky. To be honest, he’s quite surprised that they haven’t yet been discovered. 

Alas, Namjoon has to leave if he wants to keep this up. But he wants desperately to give Seokjin some kind of closure on their relationship so he cuts the prettiest flowers from the garden and sneaks into his room in the dead of night. 

“Hyung!” he whispers, rapping on the glass of Seokjin’s window. The prince walks over and opens them, tugging Namjoon in. 

“What are you doing here, Joon-ah?” he says curiously. Namjoon stands up and dusts himself off, the bouquet of flowers still clutched tightly in his hand. 

“Hyung, I-” his breath catches in his throat as Seokjin stares kindly at him, the stars reflected in his eyes. 

“What is it, Joon-ah?” Seokjin says, tilting his head cutely. Namjoon can’t imagine leaving him. 

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” he forces out. Seokjin’s eyes widen and his lips part. 

“Oh,” is all he says. “Oh.” 

Namjoon swallows hard and nods. 

_ Come on, tell him already! _

“But!” Namjoon says, a bit too loudly and he winces at his volume. “But we can still write letters to each other! And - and I’ll come back for you.” 

Seokjin looks up at him. He takes a few steps closer until they’re almost kissing. 

“Why would you do that, Joon-ah?” he says. Namjoon gulps down the fear as he lifts the bouquet. 

“Because - because I’m in love with you,” he says. “And - and I want you to - to join me. Soon. But only - only if you want to.”

Seokjin stares at him, blinking a few times. His eyes look a little glassy and then a tear drips down his cheek. Before Namjoon can point it out or wipe it away, though, gentle hands are cupping his face and Seokjin is kissing him softly. 

“Okay,” he says. “I - do you promise? You’ll write to me, won’t you?” 

Namjoon nods, leaning their foreheads together. The bouquet drops as he rests his hands on Seokjin’s hips and tries not to cry. Gods, he thought the confession would be the hardest part, yet pulling away from Seokjin feels impossible. 

“I promise,” he says. Seokjin nods and hugs him closer, his forehead resting against Namjoon’s shoulder. 

Prying themselves apart is hard, but, eventually, they manage and Namjoon leaves with a promise to come and get him. 

Years later, he does. The night before Seokjin’s wedding, Namjoon (with the help of Jeongguk) sneaks into the dungeons to rescue his lover. 

Seokjin is found shivering in his cell, his knees drawn up to his chest. Namjoon adjusts his cloak as he goes in, grinning despite the mask. They don’t speak as Namjoon quietly cuts his chains. Seokjin shoves at him playfully as Namjoon drapes a cloak over his shoulders, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. He laces their fingers together and then closes his eyes. Namjoon watches as a soft golden light surrounds them before the walls of the cell melt away and they find themselves near Namjoon’s horse. 

“What about the signature?” Namjoon says nervously. Seokjin giggles and tugs him close to press their lips together. 

“I took care of it, don’t worry,” he says. Namjoon bites his lip, scared and unsure. Seokjin shakes his head. 

“Trust me, Joon-ah,” he says. 

And Namjoon does. Gods, he’s such a fool. Someone like Seokjin doesn’t deserve any more pain than what he’s already suffered, so why on earth is Namjoon continuing their relationship?

(He’s guessing it’s because we’re all fools when it comes to being in love. Namjoon is and never will be an exception. Even though he knows he’ll be dying in around two years, he’s continued to connect with all sorts of people and he’s got so much to live for and he loves all of them so much that the thought of hurting them makes his chest seize up. Gods, what a fool.)

The rebellion keeps his mind off of his death at least. Well, sort of. Namjoon knows that his choice to continue with it is only bringing him closer to his end, but does he truly have a choice anymore? He’s been working on this for  _ years _ , how could he ever stop?

Seokjin can at least offer guidance to Soobin, the ruler-to-be. Namjoon, honestly, knows there’s something up with the kid. He’d frowned at Namjoon when they first met but he’d flinched a bit when he met Seokjin. Namjoon knows he’s not normal, but he can’t quite put his finger on what it is that’s off with Soobin. However, he doubts it’s anything malicious, so he’s left him alone. He’s also very, very aware of Soobin’s tendency to withdraw when accused of something that makes him scared or nervous. Namjoon also has a feeling that he’d tell him if there was something wrong, so he doesn’t think it’s anything  _ that _ bad. 

Hueningkai is also helped by Seokjin’s arrival. Jimin’s training of him didn’t do much due to the fact that their abilities are totally different. Seokjin, however, is on a level much closer to Hueningkai’s. It’s made a little difficult by the boy’s shyness, but he begins to come out of his shell soon enough. 

Time passes, and it isn’t long before Namjoon finds himself heading back to Ifan with Seokjin. The prince has his head bowed with a cloak and mask on to hide his identity. They’re decently inconspicuous, though the makeup they’re both wearing is pretty helpful. Namjoon reaches up to scratch his face and Seokjin slaps his hand away, shaking his head when Namjoon looks over at him with pleading eyes. 

“You  _ can’t _ ,” he whispers. “If you mess it up, you’ll blow our cover.” 

“Hyung,” Namjoon says, feeling a bit exasperated, “there is literally no one looking at us right now. We are the most boring-looking couple on this boat!” 

Seokjin grunts and doesn’t say anything, but he does tighten the death-grip in which he’s keeping Namjoon’s poor hand hostage. 

“ _ No _ ,” he hisses. “If I have to keep a bunch of clothes stuffed under my shirt then you can wear your makeup without complaint.”

Namjoon nods, feeling a bit of fear. He turns to face the water and doesn’t say anything else. 

It’s good to see Jimin and Yeonjun and Soobin and Beomgyu and Taehyun and Hueningkai. Namjoon is happy that they’re alive. He’s happy that Seokjin’s happy too. 

It’s clear, though, that Yoongi isn’t the biggest fan of Namjoon when they first meet. He’s subtle about it, obviously, but Namjoon can see it in the well-concealed glares sent his way. But, like the fool he is, Namjoon ignores it and lets Yoongi dislike him. Good. It’s better for when he dies anyway. 

However, that seems to be the wrong move. Namjoon doesn’t know how or why, but Yoongi slowly begins to warm up to him. And yes, of course, he’s happy. He knows Yoongi is smart and kind and someone Seokjin cares about. A part of Namjoon really does genuinely want Yoongi to like him. But then there’s the part that’s always thinking about his death, and it insists that such a thing is only going to make it hurt more. And he supposes it will. 

_ A different life, Namjoon, _ he thinks as he watches Seokjin chat with his brother, a fond smile gracing his face. Gods, it’s so unfair. He really, really doesn’t want to die. 

[ _ Crazier Things _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWYr-35O0Ww)

As he lies awake in bed that night, Namjoon begins to wonder. About his future and what lies ahead of him, that is. Are there any other timelines for him to follow? Could he possibly escape death with Seokjin and everyone he loves to go and live out the rest of his days in peace? Could he escape his fate?

_ Impossible, _ he thinks. He sighs and rolls onto his side to look at Seokjin. The older man is fast asleep, facing Namjoon as he snoozes. Namjoon smiles softly and reaches out to brush a strand of ebony hair out of his face. The moonlight makes him look even more like an angel, and Namjoon begins to resent himself. He resents the fact that he’ll be gone in a few mere years (even less than that, now that he’s twenty-six. Really, he’s only got a few more months to make the most of what little time he’s been allowed on this earth.), that he’ll hurt all of the people he cares about - Namjoon just wishes there was something he could do to slow the flow of time. But he knows it’s like trying to catch raindrops in his hands in hopes of staying dry, so, really, what’s the point?

“Are you okay?” 

Namjoon moves back a bit, surprised as he stares into Seokjin’s eyes. The older man sits up and stares at him, bathing in the moonlight. 

“Couldn’t sleep, sorry,” Namjoon mumbles. Seokjin clicks his tongue as he scoots closer and cups Namjoon’s face, using one hand to turn his chin so they’re facing each other. 

“It’s okay, Joon-ah,” he says. Gods, Namjoon wants to cry. This is so fucking unfair. “I really don’t mind. You can wake me up, you know that, right? I’m not going to get mad or anything.”

Namjoon shrugs and tries to seem nonchalant. 

“I know,” he says. “I - you seemed like you needed it.” 

Seokjin snorts and shakes his head as he leans forward, pressing his lips against Namjoon’s cheek. 

“So do you,” he says. He brushes a lock of hair behind Namjoon’s ear and smiles gently at him. His eyes are so full of love that Namjoon feels like he’s about to burst into tears. It’s not  _ fair _ . Nothing in this life is fair because Namjoon already has all of the people who mean so much to him and he’s going to lose them all in a few months.  _ Months _ . 

“I’ll be fine,” Namjoon says because he doesn’t know what else to tell Seokjin. How does he tell him he’ll be dead in a few months? How does he tell him that it’s totally inevitable now? How does he apologize for falling in love with him and starting a relationship that won’t last for more than a few years? 

Gods, how does he even explain that he’ll be breaking his promises to Seokjin and they won’t grow old together or have kids or get married? What’s he supposed to say? 

“You’ll look like shit tomorrow,” Seokjin says teasingly and Namjoon finds a laugh bubbling out of him. It feels nice to laugh. He likes it. 

(Gods, what doesn’t he like? Namjoon doesn’t want to die. He’s too in love with living and all of the people here with him. He’s so scared, what’s going to happen? Why is this fair? Why is it him? Why is he the one to die?)

“I always look like shit,” Namjoon says. He shakes his head and leans on Seokjin’s shoulder. “That’s why I have you. So people can cleanse their eyes after looking at me with your godly visuals.” 

Seokjin snorts and shoves him playfully. 

“Joon-ah, when on earth have I ever told you that you’re ugly? When has  _ anyone _ ever said that?” 

_ Ah, if only you knew about my life as a young child and my teenage years.  _

Namjoon shrugs. 

“A few things from classmates here and there,” he says, not  _ really _ lying but still lying. Yeah, he’s lying to Seokjin, but it’s not that big of a deal. He’s totally not gonna do it again, right?

Gods, he wishes that was true. Maybe Namjoon’s life wouldn’t be as hard if he told the truth more. 

Alas, such a thing is only for those who don’t know they’re going to die in a few months so they lie and push people away in hopes of lessening the pain of it all. 

Namjoon hates himself so, so much and it gets worse as his inevitable and very early death comes. Gods, what an asshole. Maybe he deserves to die. 

(He knows that’s part of why he’s doing it, though. He knows that one of the only reasons he’s like this is because he needs to give himself a reason to justify his death. Because, let’s face it, Namjoon can’t see a single reason why his death is fair. Well, no, actually, he can. He knows Soobin needs to have him out of the picture so he can take control of the rebellion, but is death really necessary? And besides, there’s still the selfish part of Namjoon that insists there has to be something he’s done. This early death, this life that isn’t his for the taking must be a punishment. It  _ has _ to be a punishment. But Namjoon has yet to do anything. So he might as well take matters into his own hands, right?)

His decision is difficult to make. Namjoon actually ends up seeking the fortune teller out in search of advice. 

“Well, what do you want me to tell you?” He says. He shrugs, resting his chin on his hand as he leans forward. Namjoon stares at the Omega and scowls. 

“I feel like I’ve made it awfully clear what I want you to tell me,” he says, unable to hide the bite in his voice. 

“Well, I don’t know. I don’t have any of them here to find out their futures so it looks like you’re on your own, buddy.” He puts his hands behind his head and rests his feet on the table. Namjoon digs his nails into the skin of his palms. 

“Please,” he says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of coins to drop on the table. “I’ll - I just - I want to know they’re going to be okay after I die. That’s all I’m asking.” 

The Omega clicks his tongue and tsks, shaking his head disapprovingly. He reaches forward and sweeps the coins into a bag. 

“You really should stop giving me money, Namjoon-ssi,” he says. He sighs and picks at his nails, flicking whatever he finds away. Namjoon watches, tensed and ready to jump. 

“Please, just tell me what’s going to happen to them,” Namjoon says. “I’m begging you.”

The fortune teller shakes his head, clicking his tongue. He sighs, then, shaking his head. 

“I pity you, truly,” he says, “however, I know nothing about the others. I will, though, offer to help you in what little ways I can.” 

Namjoon perks up. 

“Really?” he says, hoping he doesn’t look or sound like an excited puppy begging for a treat (let’s be honest though, he totally does). “You can?” 

“I’ll keep your letters for you,” he says. 

Namjoon stops and sits back instinctively while one of his hands wanders to his pocket. He’s only written out a sort of will and begun the letter to his sister. He has yet to have told anyone about them, though. 

“How did you know that?” he says suspiciously. The fortune teller laughs, his shoulders moving up and down as he does so. 

“I know a lot of things, Namjoon,” he says. He drums his nails on the table and raises an eyebrow. “So, what’s it gonna be?” 

Namjoon ends up writing the easy letters first. He means Yeonjun, Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung, Taehyun, and Beomgyu because he’s not super close with them. He also starts Seokjin’s, already having begun to push his lover away. 

To be honest, they’re all terribly hard to write and Namjoon doubts he’ll finish them before they leave. He still has lots of war stuff to go over, though he can’t say he’s very anxious to do so. Of course, anything is better than writing letters to his friends so they’ll have some sort of explanation for after his death. 

(Also, Namjoon wants them to remember him in a positive light because he doubts they’ll be thinking about him that way before. Which, when his actions and plans are taken into consideration, makes a whole lot more sense than them being totally heartbroken because, to be honest, he really doesn’t deserve it. Gods, he should’ve cut them all off before this happened because now he’s going to hurt so much when he has to go.)

There are times, however, when Namjoon considers packing his things and running as far as he possibly can because gods, he really doesn’t want to die. He’s young and he has so many people he cares about and he doesn’t want to leave them because they’re so wonderful and he doesn’t want some other life to repay for this injustice (because Namjoon knows he couldn’t have done anything wrong. He  _ knows _ .). Namjoon wants to live in this life. He wants to win this war or to watch Soobin win it or something because he really, really wants to live. More than anything, really. 

Well . . . not exactly. Namjoon would rather see the rest of his beloved pack flourish from the heavens than live in a life where they lose. He wants them to succeed even more than he wants to live. 

And maybe, just maybe, that’s when he gets it. Namjoon is the price of victory. Namjoon along with all of the other soldiers who will fall before Soobin reaches the throne. 

(Gods, maybe he’s totally wrong and just super self-centered. Who knows?)

As time passes, Namjoon continues to crush his own heart between his fingers. And  _ gods _ , it hurts. Whenever he stays late in his study or ignores Seokjin or pushes everyone away, another piece is crushed beneath his boot. 

(Maybe, if he tries hard enough, he won’t have any heart left when he dies so he won’t feel any pain.

Gods, who is he kidding? Of course he’ll feel pain. He’ll be dying.)

_ It’s for the best, it’s for the best,  _ Namjoon tells himself after yet another painful fight with Seokjin.  _ Gods, just hold on for a little longer. There are only a few months left, then you’re gone.  _

It helps, sort of, though Namjoon finds it to be quite bittersweet. He’s growing desperate, trying to find a way to make sure he’s at least left some sort of good memories because  _ gods _ , it hurts so much to think that it won’t be long before he’ll be gone. 

However, no matter how much of an asshole he is, he can’t even brace himself for his painfully inevitable breakup with Seokjin. 

“You know what?” Seokjin says as he furiously wipes the stubborn tears brimming in his eyes. Namjoon knows it’s coming, he  _ knows _ , but he’s still here and he has to sit through it because  _ there is literally no other option.  _ “ I’m breaking up with you. We’re done. This is dumb because  _ you _ keep telling  _ me _ to fucking talk when you’re the one who’s silent. So yeah, we’re done. Whatever we had is long since dead and we’ve been trying to reanimate the stupid corpse.”

Even though there are countless reasons why this should happen (because Seokjin deserves better, Namjoon’s an asshole, he’s going to die, this life isn’t for him, etc.), Namjoon feels his heart shatter in his chest. Or, at least, what’s left of it. Gods, he doesn’t know. 

“Really?” Namjoon says despite what has to happen as his eyes fill with tears. “Is this it?” 

_ Shut up! You don’t deserve him! Shut up, shut up, shut up! _

“Namjoon,” Seokjin says and gods, Namjoon already misses the way he’d say ‘Joon-ah’ or ‘Namjoonie’, “we’ve been over for a long time.”  _ I know. I know and I hate that it’s all my fault and I’m sorry and I love you so much because you are literally the most important person to me in the entire world and I wish things were different but they aren’t and I’m only going to hurt you more.  _ “We - we’re only hurting ourselves by - we’re only making it worse.” 

_ Say it. Say that it’s okay because it’ll only make him feel worse when you die. Say it, you dumbass! _

“Is this really what you want?” he says. Gods, he’s so, so stupid. Why is he still here? Why hasn’t Seokjin simply kicked him out? Why can’t he hate him, why, why, why?

“Yes,” Seokjin says, his voice painfully steady. Namjoon squares his shoulders and nods, watching as he turns around to go. 

_ You never deserved him anyway.  _

From that moment on, Namjoon’s life goes downhill. He supposes he’s seen it coming for years, possibly ever since he got his fortune, but who truly knows? The only thing Namjoon is sure of now is the fact that he won’t ever return to Ilsan alive. He manages to finish the letters at least, but it seems to be his one and only achievement in the months leading up to his death. Months turn to weeks and then weeks turn into days. And then, he waits. 

[ _ In the Silence _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRyQTYtPwIc)

The last person he speaks to is Hueningkai. Namjoon isn’t sure why, but, as he stands at his makeshift desk, he simply knows he won’t be coming back alive. The fight is ending for Namjoon. 

“Hyung,” a voice says while Namjoon slides his sword into the sheath for the last time, “what are you doing?” 

Namjoon stops, unable to turn around for fear of bursting into tears. He really doesn’t want to die, not here, not now, not after how much he’s desperate to still do. 

“What do you mean?” he says after he finally gets himself together. He finishes sheathing his sword and begins to twisst the ring on his finger. He at least wants to be wearing it when he dies. Maybe it’ll give him strength to leave this life and move on to the next. 

“You’re pushing everyone away,” Hueningkai says.

Namjoon swallows hard. Gods, does he know?

“So?” he says. “It’s better-”  _ Shit, not now. Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying,  _ “-it’s better for Jin- for Seokjin. It’s better for him and all of you.” 

Namjoon curses himself internally. There’s no way Hueningkai hasn’t figured it out yet. Gods, now he’s either going to stop him or he’s going to let him go because he doesn’t care anymore. Namjoon hates both options. 

“What?” Hueningkai says, marking both of the possibilities Namjoon thought of as unlikely. He doesn’t speak like that when he knows something. Namjoon sighs in relief and pain, shaking his head as Hueningkai says, “Hyung, what are you talking about? What does that even  _ mean _ ?” 

Namjoon stares at him. Gods, kudos to him for holding back his tears. He really, really wants to break down and hold Hueningkai until the war is over. Just once before he can’t anymore. 

“It’s nothing,” Namjoon pauses, wondering if he should continue, “Kai.” 

The sound is sharp in his mouth. Namjoon remembers that it’s the first thing he ever called the boy when they met.  _ Kai. _

“Hyung-”

“I love you, okay?” Namjoon says because he wants to make sure he  _ hears _ it from him one last time in case he doesn’t believe him when he reads the letter. His stomach churns as he smiles at Hueningkai. “I couldn’t be more proud. You’ve come so far, it’s been an honor to see you grow up.” 

_ I wish I could see more.  _

“But Hyung-”

Namjoon walks out. He can’t stand to hear the boy talking anymore because he knows he won’t be able to leave if he stays. He knows he’ll only try and delay his death. But when has anyone ever cheated fate?

He rides to the battlefield, his stomach churning. He feels like he’s going to throw up. He really doesn’t want to go, he really doesn’t want to die. It’s really, really not fair because Namjoon has so much to live for and there’s so much he still wants to do. 

But does that matter anymore? 

Namjoon sighs, shaking his head before he dismounts and begins to walk toward the emperor. His heartbeat gets louder with every step he takes and he feels practically every muscle in his body screaming at him to move. To run from this battlefield and to escape so he can live his own free life. 

_ No, _ Namjoon thinks as he digs his nails into his palms.  _ No, you will stay here because this is your fate and you should’ve accepted it a long time ago. Now keep walking.  _

He gets across and stands in front of the emperor. The other man stares at him, his eyes tinted red. 

“Well?” Seokjin’s father says. Aristok isn’t really controlling him right now, is he? “Are we to go through with tradition or do you plan only to stand there and wait?” 

Namjoon stares blankly at him. The emperor arches an eyebrow before shaking his head. 

“Good luck,” he says. He shoots a look over Namjoon’s shoulder. “You’ll need it.” 

[ _ The Scientist - Gabriella Cover _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4fMsnpWIrI)

Namjoon nods, still emotionless. Then, as expected, he turns around. As expected, he begins to walk away from the emperor. As expected, he goes to join his troops. 

What is unexpected, though, is the sword in Namjoon’s gut. It goes through surprsingly easy yet it’s far from painless. He gasps in surprise, looking down at the wound. Already, it’s begun to drip. It gets worse when the emperor tugs his sword out and lets Namjoon fall. 

The world goes silent and time slows. Namjoon feels guilt and regret washing over him as the life he could’ve had flashes before his eyes. He sees himself stepping down and Soobin moving to fill his shoes. He sees them winning the war and rebuilding the empire. He sees himself marrying and mating Seokjin. He sees Seokjin pregnant and happy, then he sees their children. They were going to have two boys and one girl. Their names would’ve been Jihoon, Hyunwoo, and Aera. Jihoon would’ve ended up as a successful tradesman while Hyunwoo would become a happy father of two. Aera would end up as a famous doctor with two adopted children, as her wife would also be a Beta. And Namjoon and Seokjin would grow old together. They’d still tease each other and they’d bicker over who their grandchildren liked more, but they’d be more than happy. 

And then, in front of a warm summer sunset, they would part from the world, hand-in-hand. 

However, that is not how this life is going. Namjoon stares up at Seokjin as tears begin to drip from his cheeks. He’s saying something, he really is, but Namjoon can’t understand him. 

“I love you,” Namjoon says because he’s not sure if Seokjin remembers or still knows. Seokjin doesn’t say anything as he reaches up to cup his face and his hand is shaking so much and Namjoon hates it. But Seokjin presses his hand to his cheek as he cries and maybe it’s not so bad because maybe, just maybe, he still loves him. 

He kisses him. Namjoon feels his life ending as he breathes what’s left of his life into Seokjin. 

_ Live, _ he thinks as he falls back, smiling softly.  _ I’ll be waiting. Until we meet again, Seokjin.  _

~

To my dear, beloved Seokjin,   
There is so much I have to say to you, yet I only have so much paper.   
Wow, I’m already making excuses. Well, kudos to me for consistency, right? I suppose that’s pretty much this entire letter though I’d appreciate it if you read until the end instead of throwing it out.   
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was an asshole, I’m sorry I lied, I’m sorry I hurt you - gods, that’s all I should be saying. I don’t deserve you at all and, to be honest, I never really did. By the time you find yourself reading this, I am, most definitely, very dead. I really, really love you. And gods, I wish we could’ve stayed together in this life. It really fucking sucks that we can’t, but I guess that’s what happens.   
To be honest, I’ve known that death was coming for nearly seventeen years now. If you’re wondering about any other secrets I kept, this is the only one. I hate that I dragged you into this. You don’t deserve it just like I don’t deserve you. But gods, I really wish I did. Seokjin, my love - you are the most wonderful person in this entire universe and I wish you nothing but happiness. I want you to know that none of this is your fault. You’ve done nothing to deserve this and, to be honest, there are days which I wish I had left you alone. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much. Maybe dying would be easier, maybe your life would be happier. Gods, I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore and I hate it. I hate that I’m clueless in what’s going to happen next and I might never know until I (hopefully) meet you in the afterlife or maybe, if I’m lucky enough, upon the next journey my soul goes on. But gods, who knows. I doubt I deserve it with what I’ve done. I’ve been cruel and reckless and I’ve hurt all of you. I could never be angry if you found it hard to mourn me, nor should I be. It’s up to you.   
But, if there’s anything I want you to know, it’s that I love you. Even after everything I’ve done and said I still have the guts to say that. Wow. Gods, I really am trying to be an asshole, aren’t I? I can’t stop, though, and I don’t think I ever will.   
Gods, do you ever wonder what we could’ve been? The life we could’ve led? Maybe you don’t and I understand if you don’t and if you skip over this, but I really do wish we could’ve stayed together. I wish my stupid fortune hadn’t gotten in the way and I wish I could’ve stayed with you until we grew old together. I wish wew could’ve seen the empire together and I wish we could’ve gotten married and had kids. I wish we could’ve met our grandkids too and everyone else’s kids and grandkids. I wish we could’ve retired together. I wish I could’ve woken up beside you every day for the rest of my life. Gods, this sucks. I hate writing this letter and I’m wondering right now if I could run away. Would you have come with me if I’d asked you to? Would you run away with me if I told you I was going to die in a few months? Honestly, who knows? I guess we’ll never find out.   
Honestly, though, do you think I could’ve escaped my fate? Do you think I could’ve run far from the empire with all of you until we established our own place that flourished? Do you think I missed my chances by staying here and continuing to fight even though I knew I would die? Do you? Do you wish I hadn’t?   
Gods, who knows? I certainly don’t, that’s for sure, though it’s also a given. I wonder if you laughed at that. It’d be nice to make you laugh. I miss doing that. I miss you. I miss kissing you, holding you, being with you, loving you - I miss everything we did together. Gods, I’m always going to be bitter about this. It really doesn’t feel fair.   
But Seokjin, please don’t get hung up on this. You have a whole life ahead of you and sure, it feels shitty that I’m not there physically, but I really am happy for you. I know I’ve talked about myself for a lot of this (sorry), but I wrote it for you. I want you to know that it’s okay to be happy. It’s okay that you’re hurting and I know I’m only maaking it worse, but you’re going to be okay. You’re so, so strong, Seokjin, and I love it about you. I love everything about you and I want you to know that nothing will ever - _can_ ever change that. You are so perfect and so kind and smart and beautiful and caring and strong. Gods, I’m so lucky. Being with you, even as we fought, was the best thing in my entire life. I don’t care that it was short, I loved every second by your side. Maybe I’m foolish for it, but, to me, choosing to be with you was the greatest decision I ever made.  
(It’s kind of funny, you know, because I was just wondering if I shouldn’t have sought you out that day in the gardens. I don’t make any sense, do I? Ah, I suppose knowing the date of your death will do that to you.)  
In case you were wondering, I’ve told the others to watch you. Yes, I know, they’ll be suffering too, so that’s why I have a request for you: will you make sure they’re all right? I know I wasn’t exactly close with your brothers or Yeonjun or Beomgyu or Taehyun, but I want you to watch all of them. I’m sure that you’ll be busy with other things but please make sure that no one is hurt too badly from my death. I want all of you to be happy even though I’m no longer there to join you. But trust me, love, I’m happy. Because I at least got to meet and love all of you.   
Anyway, Seokjin, I love you. More than anything, really, but it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just want you to be happy. Until we meet again.   
Love,   
-Namjoon

**Author's Note:**

> woo! see u guys next series or in my other works idk luv u~ and thank you all so so much for all of the wonderful support! it really means a lot to me and this series and all of the people who have supported me will always have a special place in my heart. Fighting! borahae!


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